Wednesday, May 8, 2024

You Suck. Thank Goodness.

I had never heard of Duane Eddy until, way back in 1996. I was in post-production on a spot and a producer mentioned his name. We used a track of Eddy's on the spot.

Back in those pre-streaming music days, finding CDs Duane Eddy's music was no mean feat. I think I struck out at the HMW on East 86th Street--taken over now by a crappy Best Buy, and had to trek over to Tower Records near Lincoln Center--taken over now by a Raymour & Flanagan and 14 or 12 different Starbucks'.

That's modernity. Everything good has been taken over by something bad. Everyplace I used to hang out when I was a kid, a place to grab a frankfurter, an ice cream after school, or later, a place to get a beer and try to meet girls, is now a Home Depot. That's not an improvement in my book.

Finally, I got ahold of some album or another and went down the "twang thang" rabbit hole, making my way from Eddy, to Gene Vincent somehow all the way to The Trashmen.



In any event, since that moment nearly 30 years ago, Eddy's meant a little something to me. So when I saw his obituary in The New York Times last week, I read it with some sadness and even more interest.

When you've written a blog every day for almost eighteen straight years, you're always on the lookout for stories like a small-time baseball scout is always looking for a fastball that pops or a long-limbed fellow with five-tools. I thought, as I approached Eddy's obituary, to bastardize the Bard, this could be "the stuff that blogs are made on." Of course after nearly 7,000 posts, I can turn a sneeze into a seven-part series on the effects of mucus in the ad industry.

By the time I finished, I reached the lines below and I knew my quest for El Blogorado--the mythical land where the streets are paved with Posts--was fulfilled. Now all I had to do was find a string of uninterrupted 42-second periods to write the damned thing. Yes, that's the truth. Another bit of modern life. Living where you work and working where you live,I generally get about 42-seconds increments to work between interruptions.

Here's the piece of Eddy's obituary that prompted this post.

Elaborating on the subject to Guitar Player in 2013, he recalled an interview with Conan O’Brien in which he was asked, “Duane, you’ve been in this business for many years now; what do you consider your greatest contribution to music?” He answered, “Not singing.”

“I never felt that I had a good voice for singing,” he went on. “When I was young, this frustrated me a lot, so I took it out on the guitar.”

Man, if this isn't a life lesson, I don't know what is. 

First is the wisdom to know what you suck at. And the wisdom to feel comfortable in your suckage and comfortable saying, "I'm not doing that, and I don't feel compelled to." That takes a lot of internal wherewithal. I don't know many people who possess that.

Second, and maybe even more crucial are these words, "this frustrated me a lot, so I took it out on the guitar."

My many lacuna as a creative person, my lack of patience for casting, and the various dopititudes of production and post-production didn't steer me away from advertising. Like Eddy's lack of vocal ability, I was frustrated along the way too. And I took it out, not on the guitar, but on my keyboard.

My cruddiness at so much of the ad business, merely forced me to take it out on my Mac. Let other people argue about wardrobe and set decoration. Plaid or denim. Or the shirt that made the talent 'too big on top' versus the one that was frumpy.

Nine shoots out of ten, I was working on my next assignment--usually some sort of crisis that only I could un-crisisify--while shooting my current assignment. It's how I regularly out-produced the rest of the agency combined. I took out my inability on my ability. Like Ted Williams taking another 100 batting practice swings, till his sides bled from the batting abrasion. Why not, he was never going to field like a DiMaggio, not Joe, Vince or Dom anyway.

To rewrite the old Sara Lee pastries line, "Everybody doesn't like something, but nobody doesn't like Sara Lee." How about, "Everybody sucks at something, nobody can't use that as a spur to self-improvement."



Let's end this with an odd thing my wife just sent me. A story from the great actor/director Charles Laughton involving Bette Davis and her heavy eye-lids. I'm not one-hundred-percent sure why, but somehow to me it all feels of a piece.

To play the elderly Elizabeth I of England, Davis shaved her hairline and eyebrows. During filming she was visited on the set by the actor, Charles Laughton. She commented that she had a "nerve" playing a woman in her sixties, to which Laughton replied, "Never not dare to hang yourself. That's the only way you grow in your profession. You must continually attempt things that you think are beyond you, or you get into a complete rut." Recalling the episode many years later, Davis remarked that Laughton's advice had influenced her throughout her career.

Somehow, I shoved today's three thoughts together. 

1. Know what you suck at. 

2. Use it as a spur to get better at something else. 

3. Try things you can't do--it's better than being in a rut.

Oh, and 4.

Never mind the contradictions in the above. Illogic is how we make sense of living.



Tuesday, May 7, 2024

The Who.

 


I've said this about 92 million times to 29 million different clients and about 292 million different people who claim to be in the advertising industry.

It's obvious and to my eyes undeniable. Yet, the idea seems to be taking root as well as an orange grove in a desert. Or real hair on donaldtrump's head.

Since the frenzy about AI--how it will write for us, create for us, strategize for us, media plan for us, find and render artwork for us, edit for us, score for us and mix for us, people understanding my belief has fallen almost completely by the way-side. 

That's ok.

I am unshaken by doubt. Self or otherwise.

Here it is. In as plain an English sentence as I can render.

People like brands that act like people they like.

Again, because you got distracted by a bing or a ping or a ding or a ting coming from somewhere, someone or something.

People like brands that act like people they like.

Put another way, maybe a better way because examples come easier: People hate brands that act like people they hate.


Would you tolerate a person (or a brand) that:

Lies.
Says one thing and does another.
Keeps you on hold.
Is dishonest and deceptive.
Dissembles.
Is unhelpful.
Screams.
Leaves behind a mess.
Doesn't do what they promise.
Is always late.
Treats new friends better than long-time friends.
Isn't kind.
Brags.
Tells half-truths.
Repeats itself.
Tries to take advantage of you.
Bullies you.
Isn't interesting or interested in you.
Bores you talking about themselves. Treats you like you're dumb
.  

If you think of 99.9-percent of TV commercials, social media ads, Linked In or Twitter blurbs you're subjected to, they reflect the personality traits of listed above. If you think of 99.9-percent of corporate messaging, emails, timesheet scowlings, the same holds true.

As the owner of a small business, I get about 12 direct mail pieces from credit card companies or banks a week. I get them though I have no debt, I pay as I go, I have no loans, and feel ripped off by my local bank whose idea of customer-service is charging me $10 for every wire transfer they process. By the way, that local bank's tagline? "Be community kind."

How about "be a kind of community." Or "Be communal hindquarters."

Do they think I'm too dumb to know they're ripping me off--or trying to? Do the credit card companies and banks think I'm too dumb to know that the 50,000 bonus points or $750 they're promising me if I open up an account or get another card charging 18.75-percent interest in a seven-percent environment are just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue.

Of all the Ogilvyisms I grew up with, the one that's grown most out-of-step with the ethos of today is, "The consumer isn't a moron, she is your wife." Yes, it's out-of-date from a gender POV. But more strident than that--every agency treats every consumer--including employees, ostensibly potential clients and candidates like they're idiots. And they think they're too dumb to notice.

They're not.


For instance a prominent New York agency that for anonymity's sake I won't name but it rhymes with smoegilvy, has been firing people pretty much every week since they fired me, and a cast of thousands, five years ago. They're firing people because they're bleeding money. The accounts they've won, they're losing money on, because they won by cutting their prices. It's rumored their holding company will have to sell half of what they've bought. At a loss. That's fine. But don't in the next breath trumpet your Agency of the Year Awards because you think people are too dumb to be able to see reality.

If you're fooling anyone it's the person looking back at you from the mirror. And that's a dangerous practice. Just ask Norman Bates' mother.

In short, look at who you work for. Look at the ads on TV. Look at the talking heads and spokespeople you get assaulted by. Spend a moment thinking not about their expensive suits and faux cinematography. Think about how they act and how they treat you.

Maybe the entire industry is doing it wrong. Maybe we all are.

It's not whether or not they like you.

It's whether or not they're deserving of being liked by you.



                            


Monday, May 6, 2024

Notes from a Writer: A Guest Post from Jim Nolan.

Jim Nolan and I don't really know each other, though decades ago we worked at Ogilvy together, and we've been connected on Linked In for six years--which should have been longer, but we were each too, I think, reserved to make the first move.









I've always admired Jim's work. (A small smattering is above.) It always seemed to me--judging from afar--to be copywriting of the highest order. With a level of intelligence, restraint and taste that makes me more than a little green with envy. Jim, to be reductive about this, is a writer. A writer who actually writes. Which means he actually thinks.

He's one of those rare birds, the best creatives are like this--who actually believe--against all odds and all indications to the contrary--that craft will eventually prevail. That you can win over clients and people by sheer force of good work that doesn't pander.

I remember Hall-of-Famer, Mike Tesch, once being quoted that "A great thirty-second spot can solve any marketing problem." We've forgotten the logic of statements like that. 99-percent of the industry no longer believes in the industry's power and efficacy. No wonder clients don't want to pay us. We don't even pay ourselves.

In any event, some time ago, I had written an invitation--a fairly open invitation, and fairly honest, too--that anyone who wants to write something for this space can have at it. Many people think I have some super-human capacity that lets me write every day. I don't. It's all the product of assiduous work. If there's anything at all super-human about me, it's my stubbornness. I refuse to give in to the idea that I can't.

Relief in the form of guests posts is welcome. What's more, it never hurts to provide my trillions of readers with someone else's perspective. As computer scientist Allen Kay once said, "a different perspective is worth 85 points of IQ."

What's better than a Large Language Model? A thinking human being.

One more thing, before I turn you over to Jim. 

What the monolithic powers that run the holding companies don't have is exactly what's most needed to run a business: Love for the brilliant practitioners who make the business special. 

Yes. Love.
Yes. Respect.
Yes. Awe for their ability.
Yes. Recognition of their one-of-a-kindness.

The best companies, institutions, sports teams, countries, families love their members. They treat them as integral. Not a cost. They don't teach that at MBA academy.

Today, remember, everyone is a number and an interchangeable part. All the theories about the decay of creativity in advertising aren't worth a bucket of warm spit. The decay of advertising goes hand in hand (or middle-finger to middle-finger) with the decay in how we treat the people who actually do the work--who make clients and agencies special.

Not long ago, the Wall Street Journal ran a short article commemorating Duke Ellington on the 125th Anniversary of his birth. In it was this quotation from Duke: “'We have deep consideration for the limitations of everyone; it’s an interesting problem to handle.' Ellington solved the challenge of shortcomings by listening closely to all his musicians and then composing to highlight their strengths."

That last bit: listening closely to highlight strengths is what being a human is about. It's about acceptance, caring, learning and loving. 

Somehow, Jim's piece brings all those too-rare and so-important qualities to life.


--

JIM NOLAN'S POST:

The Truth-and-Beauty of Corinne L. Murray


Corinne Murray was my first copy chief at my first advertising agency, in Anchorage, Alaska. 

I had never been to Alaska. 

I had never written an ad. 

I had never met anyone named Corinne. 

And I certainly had never met anyone like Corinne. Because Corinne was sui generis. 

A poet (brilliant). 

A copywriter (excellent). 

A friend (supportive). 

A mentor (patient). 

A smoker (chain). 

And a flat-out, no doubt-about-it, guessing-she-was-always-so genius. And for some unknown cosmic too-good-to-be-true reason, I got to know her. 

Corinne had many appealing qualities. One was that she despised account people, well, just one in particular. In the long, Homeric-length poems about the agency she would write, he appeared as “the Silver Snake,” as he had a flowing headful of gray hair and a thick gray beard. The poor man was tormented by Corinne who was, I should mention, the agency founder’s daughter and thus mostly but not completely bulletproof. My fellow copywriter and great friend Mike and me, new to advertising, thought her tirades were well deserved and assumed that this was simply the way of advertising, cats and dogs, creatives and suits. Now of course I know the indispensability of a great account person to great work, or work that tries hard to be. And I realize just how outstanding all the account people at the agency were, including the Silver Snake himself.

What were the Silver Snake’s crimes? I think he may have passed on to Corinne client copy changes, an outrage to us. By god, we were English majors, or Mike and I were. Corinne skipped college, but we knew we couldn’t carry her typewriter (a programmable IBM Selectric upon which she could type at blistering speeds). Corinne knew it too but would never say so.

While Corinne was a very good copywriter, it was her poetry, and Samuel Johnson-like quality of talk, that made her especially interesting to me. If I grew bored, I could walk into her office, where she would light a fresh Benson & Hedges 100 from the one she was finishing, and listen to her talk. Corinne was always happy to have an audience, and I was always receptive. I don’t think I ever discovered the limits of her ability to go on—she could easily monologue for a couple of hours, and I would only occasionally interject a comment of my own, which she would impatiently tolerate in some half-hearted spirit of politesse. Her range of subjects was wide-ranging, from professional sports to problems with her Chevy Chevette to national politics to art to her cats and whatever she was reading at the time. She was a student of romance writer Barbara Cartland and could have cranked out a perfect imitation of her work overnight, if she wanted to. I think that, while she didn’t respect Cartland’s writing, she respected her lifestyle. Here was a writer rich enough for people to look after, and Corinne could have used a lot of that.

Looking back, Corinne was struggling with issues I did not fully understand. Sometimes she would sleep on the couch at the office. She had a hard time taking care of herself physically. The cigarette smoking gave her a not infrequent hacking cough. But none of this was ever spoken of, at least between us. 

But what made me really adore Corinne, besides her sense of humor and kindness to me, was her poetry. Corinne is an example that many artists of the first rank remain undiscovered, their work stashed away in a desk drawer somewhere, eventually to disappear in the passing of time. We know of Emily Dickinson by sheer luck, more or less.  

So let me share a little of her poetry from “THE MURRAYBOOK,” a binder she put together for me when I left Alaska. Perhaps here, online, it will gain some sort of immortality. 



These are from a section entitled “The Animal Kingdom.”

THE CAMEL

I’ve often thought the Camel

Is a beast I’d like to own,

He’d be my friend right to the end,

I’d never feel alone.

He’d sneer at those who’d harm me,

And spit at friends untrue,

He’d let me ride in stately pride

Atop his hump (or two).

We’d settle in the desert,

And share our joys and woes,

We’d make our stand upon the sand

Against our common foes. 

I’d love to have a Camel,

I swear I’d treat him right;

He’d be so dear -- it would be sheer

Arabian Delight. 


THE ALLIGATOR

Of all the reptiles, none is greater

Than the agile alligator;

To some, he seems a lazy lout,

Amphibiously hanging out;

He has no time for pride or pomp

While snorkeling around the swamp,

Avoiding hunters who would use

His hide for alligator shoes;

He knows that it would be a drag

To end up as a belt or bag;

Or as a wrestling partner where

The tourists come to stand and stare;

So he prefers to bask all day,

And if you’re smart, you’ll stay away;

For dinosaurs, as you can see,

Are on his scaly family tree.


THE PLATYPUS

The Platypus is strange. 

There can be no denying

He looks like something God whipped up

Before He started trying. 

The Platypus is awkward. 

He waddles when he’s stolling,

His feet are webbed, much like a duck’s,

His gait is oddly rolling. 

The Platypus is primitive,

And wears a bill, to boot, 

Somewhere around the dawn of time

He got his silly snoot. 

The Platypus is ugly.

Has been, and always will;

If you’d been made from spare parts, too,

You might look weirder still. 

This one’s from the section, “Other Times, Exotic Climes.”

2,000,000 B.C.

WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR

I’ve often wished that I could be

A dinosaur in days of old;

I’d wallow in the steamy sea,

For lunchtime I could eat a tree;

I’d be so brave and bold. 

To see my pals my way I’d wend

The Brontosaurus I would kiss;

Triceratops would call me friend,

I’d be contented to the end

In prehistoric bliss.

I’d bask in the primeval sun,

I’d play all day; I’d sing and dance,

Among the ferns I’d jump and run,

I could have had a lot of fun,

I would have made a lovely one -- 

Too bad I missed the chance. 

Corinne also wrote many poem parodies. This one, inspired by “She Walks in Beauty,” is dedicated to my friend Mike.


HE WRITES IN COPY

With No Apologies to 

George Gordon, Lord Byron,

Because He’s Dead

He writes in copy, I suppose,

With clouded mind and starry eyes,

And all that’s best of tailored clothes

Meets in his pin-stripes and his ties;

Thus mellowed by that tender prose

Which heaven to journalists denies. 

One word the more, one line the less

Had half-impaired the nameless style

Which comes out only under stress

Or after drinking for a while -- 

Where all the archives are a mess,

How pure, how dear the Copy File. 

And on those lips, that clearly show

Just how his new career occurred,

Are smiles that win, and words that flow,

With force that cannot be deterred -- 

A mind whose moves are never slow,

A heart whose love is for the word. 

This poem is a take on Alfred Noyes’ “The Highwayman.” I think of her working late on Reka Drive in the cold Alaskan night, alone, as I read it.  


THE COPY CHIEF

(With Patently Insincere Apologies to Alfred Noyes) 


The wind bore a scent of chicken from the Colonel’s corner store,

The moon was a ghostly tanker that leaked on a cloudy shore,

The street was a ribbon of asphalt, a-gleam in the fitful light,

And the Copy Chief was writing -- 

Writing -- writing --

The Copy Chief was writing, alone in the stilly night. 


Bent with the sorrow of ages, she gazed upon her work,

And wept with wild abandon, and called herself a jerk;

She’s heeded not the warnings, so into the pit she fell -- 

She’d gone into Advertising,

A job in advertising,

At an agency next to the “on” ramp of the highway down to Hell.


She thought of the fine ambitions she’d cherished in her youth,

She’d wanted to write of beauty; of art, of love, of truth;

But advertising got her, through a strange and sorry fluke -- 

Tonight she writes a slide show,

Another epic slide show,

Another scenic slide show, for tourists in Dubuque.


Then all through the darkened hallways, and the building all around,

There drifted a birdlike echo -- a haunting, mournful sound.

She knew that the phone was ringing, in its sad night-switchboard key,

So she picked up the phone and answered,

In a weary tone, she answered -- 

Thinking, “It’s nigh on midnight -- oh, who can this caller be?”


The voice she heard was confident, with vigor in its tone,

She knew its pitch and its cadence, as well as she knew her own;

It was her supervisor -- a mentor of talents rare,

And he said, “What are you doing,

Whatever are you doing,

What in the Hell are you doing, to still be writing there?”


She offered her explanations, but she could not make him hear,

He crisply gave his orders, and they rang out loud and clear:

“Be done with this lonely vigil! Reject this martyr’s whim!

And if our honored client,

Our esteemed and noble client,

Complains of his missing slide show -- well, that’s just too bad for him.”


“How easy it is,” she grimly thought, while hanging up the phone,

“To organize the workload, when the work is not your own.”

But, on her leader’s orders, she was turning to leave the room,

When she glanced at her pile of dockets,

Overdue, overflow dockets,

And the sight of that mountain of dockets was the sight that sealed her doom.


The mute reproach of neglected work made her fingers start to twitch,

A storm of guilt set her mind awhirl, and raised her to fever-pitch;

She cast aside her orders, and she leaped for her typist’s seat,

And began to turn out copy,

Blindingly brilliant copy,

She pounded the keys in a frenzy, ‘til they glowed dull red with heat.


They found her there in the morning, slumped lifeless at her desk,

With a satisfied smile on her cold dead lips, which seemed to them grotesque;

And under her head, for a pillow, was a stack some two feet tall

Of once-in-a-lifetime copy,

Painfully perfect copy,

And all the dockets were marshaled in order -- the Copy Chief finished them all. 


And still, on a lonely night (they say) when there’s chicken on the breeze,

And the moon is a ghostly tanker, tossed upon oily seas;

When the street is a ribbon of asphalt, a-gleam in the fitful light,

The Copy Chief comes writing -- 

Writing -- writing -- 

The Copy Chief comes writing, alone in the stilly night.


This last one, however, may be my favorite. Perhaps it’s revealing of her mood at the time. Or maybe not. 


THE HOUSE

This is the house where Loneliness lives,

And hides from a past that it never forgives.

The hearth is cold and the walls are bare,

The dust lies deep on the creaking stair;

Where voices echo, too low to hear,

And whisper of worlds that will disappear;

Of unlived lives and the unheard call

From the clock that chimes in the empty hall;

Murmurs that fade in the fading light,

Leaving the echoes alone with the night.

The old gate swings from the leaning post,

Touched by solitude’s silent ghost;

The dead brown leaves of the apple tree

Stir with the passing of memory. 

Lilies adrift on a silver stream,

Gardens locked in an endless dream;

Shadowed woods where the nightwing cries,

Sleeping seas under satin skies;

Shrouded shores at the ebbing tide - 

The door standing open, and no one inside.

--

--


It’s been many years since Corinne died far too young, from MS. I was working at an agency in New York when I found out, and I wept in my office. I think Corinne was proud of me. I had been able to make a career in New York, to her and to me the Rome of advertising. It’s no exaggeration to say I owe my career to her. 

Thanks to her, I had a shot at becoming a working copywriter, to be able to support a family by writing, to do many of the things she didn’t get the opportunity to do because of her health: 

I learned to write headlines without fear, but eagerness. And I pay as much attention to the post copy, something that came after her, as I do to headlines. 

I learned the difference between writing copy and writing English, and came to prefer the former. I wrote 24-page brochures about gas turbines and auto after-market parts and a two-minute spot for Hallmark. 

I met David Ogilvy, and even better, Shelly Lazarus. David Lubars asked someone who wrote the copy I wrote while freelancing at BBDO. I have had dinner in Madrid with Rob Schwartz. And drinks at fancy Manhattan restaurants with David Fowler. I worked on a winning pitch with Amy Ferguson. And I’ve worked with one spectacularly talented art director after another, and terrific account people, producers, planners, and clients. George Tannenbaum, the badass bard of the power of words, asked me to write a post for his blog, this blog, that has enormous readership and respect.

And, with just a few lapses, throughout my career I have used the final serial comma, because Corinne would have wanted me to. 

Corinne’s stock-in-trade was something she dismissively called “truth-and-beauty” copy. Copy that described Alaska as the Great Land it is, for “tourists in Dubuque.” Slide shows, brochure copy, TV and radio spots, press ads for The Alaska Marine Highway or the City of Seward or any project that required a photo of glaciers or Denali Park or bald eagles or moose or bear. She joked about the expression, but I think she meant it. She was, at heart, a truth teller and it got her into trouble sometimes. And she was a beautiful person, caring and thoughtful, and her poetry is some of the most perfect, beautiful writing I know. 

When we start out, we have no idea what lies ahead. I was desperate for a guide, for someone who thought I could write, and I was fortunate to find one in the least likely of places. Long after I left the agency, Corinne continued to be that guide for me. I am so grateful for it.

Eventually I learned that truth and beauty are all that matters in advertising, and in life, too. Corinne, and I can hear her roundly disputing this in my head, was the epitome of both.